Divorce |
Why do people get divorced? Here are some common reasons for divorce:
- Lack of commitment to the marriage
- Lack of communication between spouses
- Emotional abuse
- Physical abuse
- Infidelity
- Personality differences
- Abandonment
- Alcohol addiction
- Substance abuse
- Different expectations about household tasks
- Financial problems
- Differences in personal and career goals
- Inability to manage or resolve conflict
- Different expectations about having or rearing children
- Sexual incompatibility
- Intellectual incompatibility
- Interference from parents or in-laws
- Falling out of love
- Lack of maturity
- Insistence on sticking to traditional roles and not allowing room for personal growth
- Cultural and lifestyle differences
- Religious conversion or religious beliefs
- Mental instability or illness
- Inability to deal with each other’s petty idiosyncrasies
- Criminal behaviour
Statistics:
In Australia, every third marriage ends in divorce.
In the USA, the divorce rate:
- for a first marriage is 41%
- for a second marriage is 60%
- for a third marriage is 73%
In Canada, 38% of couples in first marriages divorce.
Many studies have been done about the reasons for divorce. Many of them showed that lack of communication is one of the leading causes of divorce. A marriage is difficult to maintain when the lines of communication fail. You can’t have an effective relationship if either one of you won’t discuss your feelings, if you can’t talk about your mutual or personal issues, if you keep your resentments simmering under wraps, and if you expect your partner to guess what the whole problem is about.
The second important reason for divorce is that people rarely discuss their expectations in detail prior to marriage. These people are less willing to work on their marriages afterwards, and expect quick solutions rather than working on resolving their issues.
Past experiences are the third reason for many divorces. People who come from divorced homes are more likely to get divorced than people who come from happily married households. Divorce seems less like a big deal if you have seen your parents go through with it.
The age when people get married is the fourth indicator in the likelihood a couple will get a divorce. People who get married between the ages of 23-27 are more likely to stay together than people who get married in their teens.
The fifth interesting thing about divorce is that people who cohabit before marriage have higher rates of divorce than people who didn’t cohabit before marriage.
And finally, in many cases, many of the problems that cause divorce existed in the couple’s relationship long before they got married. The problems were either not acknowledged or were ignored in the fond hope that marriage might offer a miraculous panacea. And, guess what, it doesn’t. Nobody can make you feel better about yourself and you can’t change or save anybody. As someone wise once said, it takes two wholes to make a marriage, not two halves.
Divorce myth.
Divorce Myth: People think that after their first divorce they’ll learn from their bad experiences and their second marriage will be more successful than the first one.
Fact: It can be true for some people, but statistics show that the divorce rate of remarriages is in fact higher than that of first marriages.
How should women deal with divorce?
- Seek social support. The more social you are after your divorce the easier it is for you to deal with it. Some of your old friends may run. It is a natural reaction and it happens often. Make friends with other people, join groups and clubs.
- Redefine yourself. Going through a divorce means no longer being part of a couple. To cope with it, consider yourself as multifaceted. Taking time for self-exploration is one way to overcome feelings of isolation and fear. You can take up new hobbies, activities, and interests—expand yourself. Stay busy in a constructive way.
- Minimize the impact on your kids. You're dealing with a lot of grief and personal feelings. But always avoid criticizing the other parent in front of the children. A “taking sides” approach isn’t considered very beneficial for the kids’ psyche. Try to remain calm, collected and wise—at least for the sake of your kids.
- Start on an exercise program or do some kind of daily physical activity, even if you’re just walking around the block. Ideally, experts recommend at least 30 minutes of intense exercise daily: aerobics class, running, jogging, playing sports or swimming. Or you can spend one hour walking or doing yoga daily.
- Learn to meditate and do Oxy-breaths (see video on the Home page).
- Eat healthy. Include super foods in your daily ration: blueberry, fish, broccoli, dark chocolate, avocado, eggs, turkey, lentils, yogurt, carrots, apples, and other fruits, vegetables and berries.
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